The New Nativity Has Ties To Reality
According to Stephen Colbert, Keisha Castle-Hughes, the pregnant actress portraying Mother Mary, is actually the new mother of Jesus. It seems that she will name the new Savior, Jimbob. Contrary to popular belief, Jimbob was the original name of Jesus back in the olden days. If look at the names of his parents (Joe and Mary Ann) those seem sorta white trashy. Which leads to another question, were they related? Could Jesus Christ, the first disciple of Raptor Jesus, be inbred? And if so, could all the things he did in the Bible just be fantasies of some inbred fucks that didn't know the difference from an anus and a hole in the ground? And let's not forget that they had to sleep in a barn. I mean, how many times have you heard of teenage couple shacking it up in a barn? Then they met a bunch of weird guys that hang out with sheep. Then there were the wise men. These Arabs (terrorists?) had followed a star for months and who knows how many times they'd been smoking the pipe.
But I have no quomes with the true meaning of Christmas. I don't feel that Jesus was born to rednecks (even though that would be lulz-worthy). The war on Christmas is going on as planned. The concervatives were right. Democrats are trying to ruin Christmas.
And who cares if it is Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas? You all are a bunch of pussies. Seriously, thousands die everyday from hunger and simple diseases that have cures. Food in the states is wasted daily. I know gay marriage and whatever the hell else the republicans are throwing in everyone's faces is the biggest threat to America. But, I think government should do something about the real problems.